toyyyys

life is a game worth playing

Spoilers

I really haven’t watched a lot of TV or even movies, but for what I have watched I can completely see that men are almost always the winners and women the losers. In kid’s shows, like the Fairly Odd Parents, we see Wanda being the biggest nag we’d ever fathom. In mob movies the women are objects and get cheated on, like in Goodfellas, causing trouble for everyone then is the downfall of the main character in Casino, or is the little sister that cannot have freedom and barely seen in the movie at all as seen in Scarface. There are plenty of movies that have girl protagonists, but I have to agree that there’s not many. What I kept thinking about when I read the passage were the female characters in Breaking Bad. They were the absolute worst.

Although the show indicates Walter driving Skyler to her insanity, she was a nag in the beginning. The show dragged me to believe that what Walter is doing is doing it for her and their family, and the antagonist is clearly his wife from the start since she is the only one between him and his meth lab. I was sitting on the edge of my seat every time she got closer to knowing what was going on, and I was even rooting for Walter to lie to her so that he can continue manufacturing and distributing one of the most disgusting drugs. He uses her for tension relief through sex and after she finds out about his lab he has her lauder the money for him through running a car wash. He never cheats on her, and honestly he was making the money for her since she thought he was going to die of cancer, but he grows to be a twisted, selfish bastard and many of the people I have talked to rooted for him till the end scene of him getting caught by the police while seemingly dying. I never liked Skyler, although I sympathized for her, and even when she was doing the right thing by taking the kids away for awhile I wanted her to stop being so dramatic and calm the fuck down. I started hating Walter towards the middle of the show, and was pleading for him to die when he killed off Mike, but god damn his wife was such a pain in the ass.

The show only had two main women characters and the other was Skyler’s sister Marie. Her husband being the DEA agent and Walter’s worst nightmare, I didn’t want to have anything to do with her. She’s a frantic bitch anyways. She is awkward in social environments and many innuendoes are thrown in that she suffered from a mental disorder. Whether it was bi-polar, I cannot remember, but they had to give her some character, right? I can barely recall her in many scenes and a lot of the time her disorder was cooly suggested is not thrown at us half the times she was mentioned. Hank loved her despite her differences, and was good to her unlike the men described in Mad Men. She supported him the entire time and never left his side. The show was so fixated on Walter, however, you don’t care about their happy marriage. By the point where Hank dies I was just upset Walter didn’t die with him. The episodes call for Walt Jr. and Skyler pushing Walter away for killing Hank, but again I can’t remember what Marie even did when she found out. Probably cry. I think she cried a lot.

When Jessie finds the girl of his dreams, it is so obvious that she wouldn’t be good for him. He’s an addict, she’s been clean for a few months, and they jump into a relationship so fast that you know the only glue holding it together is the sex, and soon after, the drugs. When Walter lets her die I felt sad, not because she just overdosed after trying to be clean for so long, but because she overdosed and left Jessie to be with Walter again. Maybe not everyone felt this way, but the way it was written and by what I’ve been told by others, a lot of people felt this way. And people have even told me that it was good that she died because she was bad for Jessie. You know who was bad for Jessie? Walter. But Walter was bad for everyone. Especially himself.

The show differed a lot from Mad Men, not just because of the plots,  but because it seemed as if Mad Men had set the men as likable characters to the audience whilst Breaking Bad hardly had two characters with any good intentions that were posed as likable. The women were all crazy, although there were hardly any women at all in Breaking Bad. I honestly couldn’t care if the entire series were of men, however I have seen a correlation of nagging, insane women all over television and even when the men are nuts themselves, we are all rooting for them to gain success wherever it may lie.

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“Advertising doesn’t just sell things, it articulates values and builds meaning,…” (Freeman 278) and I agree completely. Television tells us all of the time what we should buy and why; if the why isn’t justified to make it seem like it’s important and true, they may lose consumers. That means losing money. These people must manipulate others into thinking their product is vital for their house, dog, teeth, and even the life they live so that they may live. If business owners know that men are pressured to be the most masculine, then they’re going to show why their razor blade will make them the manliest. Even though we all can pretty much agree that the man with the longest beard is the mightier of the men with shorter ones.

Maybe I’m being close-minded here but honestly I think that the writers here take ads much too seriously. I mean, words only have as much power as you give to them and I think that this applies to other things as well. If you think that the advertisement from Carl’s Jr. is going to reinforce men’s perceptions on women being objects, they probably already have a narrow mind-set on the subject. And if the man doesn’t already think that, why would a few commercials persuade him to think that hot girls are just that- hot girls? Besides that, with our TiVo and DVR and Nextflix accounts, along with Hulu and RedBox and the Internet, when do we ever watch ads? I probably don’t have much of a say on this because I rarely watch TV, but seriously, not many people I know watch commercials at all. Plus, when I was younger, my mom muted the TV when commercials came on.

If the writers think that simple commercials will back up nasty ideas, I have to disagree. Yes advertising pushes and tugs us to buy their things through manipulation, but how many people are actually listening? We buy pizza because we’re hungry. We invest 60k not because the car will help us pick up girls, but because we generally love the engineering and the art involved. I think people take things too seriously, but then again some things aren’t taken seriously enough. Like global warming. But that’s another story.

ELEPHAnts

I have to admit that I was became sad when Orwell stated that he killed the elephant. After he said that he wasn’t going to shoot it, I was hopeful that he would let the animal go, as well as his dignity.

The elephant shouldn’t have been killed. A dreadful feeling of empathy took over my body and I felt numb just reading his powerful words about shooting the poor thing– not even dead. Just motionless. Let’s be real and allow me to tell you that I was almost in tears. It brings me back to the topic of suicide that has been running through my head a lot recently.

I’m not suicidal. I’m the bright ball of sunshine that this Earth revolves around.

Cough.

But the topic of suicide has been really affecting me as of lately. Someone I care about a lot suffers every day and tells me constantly that he wants to die. Maybe Americans are more private than I think we are, and maybe I shouldn’t be so personal, but honestly people are going to think what they want anyways and I need to vent somewhere. Something that moves me so deeply as to fall back in school is crazy for me to think of; I live a seemingly perfect life. I have the family that I’m more than happy coming home to, the car, the friends, the rave festivals…

Point is, is that I’m not often stricken with nervousness.

Orwell killed the elephant and stated that it was because of laws that it was okay to do so. Should the laws matter? Do our laws tell us what we find immoral and what we find to be right? I ended up hating the narrator.

Imagine having back pain so bad that you must wear a back brace to work and still be required to lift heavy things since your titled job is at a grocery store. Car accident. Insane, like hot pin needles, down your spine. Two surgeries. Actual inches long needles struck into your back whilst still being awake. Pain doesn’t stop, only numbed a little. Informed that more surgery will take place very six months.

Someone suffering should not have to suffer any longer than necessary. Flashbacks of past horrors and endless physical pain isn’t fair; things don’t always get better. If someone with terminal cancer can legally kill themselves in Oregon, why can’t people that suffer will mental illness take their life with dignity as well? Am I missing the point here or am I making sense?

If we as humans can take the lives of animals that suffer from broken legs, why can’t we kill the people that want to die? That dog didn’t ask to die; we know that it is right of us to help relieve the pain. Yet I know people that have begged for their ending.

I think killing the elephant was immoral. Although the elephant had killed someone, it did not deserve so suffer. No one does.

TWITTER

Using Twitter in school was a ridiculous idea to me at first, just like this blog. In the end, however, I never ended up loving Twitter. I have a Facebook and Instagram but I don’t post on either of them. My life really isn’t anyone’s business, and a lot of the people on my Facebook aren’t considered friends to me although I know them in real life. I have a close group of people I consider to be friends and they always know what’s going on with me because I let them know personally, not because of a post I made on one of many social media sites. I wouldn’t want to find out about my best friend getting engaged from Facebook; that would piss me off. I don’t hate theses sites, I like Twitter because I can see what the models I like are up to. It was nice to interact with classmates by retweeting and mentioning. Honestly though, I could have done without it.

At first I started posting with quotes I love. As the days went on, I got less and less interested in posting and I started retweeting half naked women. The human body is so beautiful, as close to visual poetry as one can achieve. I retweeted some things my classmates said and had public conversations with my instructor. I just wanted the assignment over with so I continued to go on everyday to fulfill the criteria. Hopefully retweets are still counted towards the 20 posts.

I probably would have tweeted a lot more if I had not had my classmates following me. If my followers were complete strangers I probably would have been bit more open. I feel as if I should keep things more PG since it is in a classroom environment, and I don’t always know where the boundaries lay and where I cross the line or not. Also, I doubt anyone really wants to hear about my boyfriend or pizza related stuff or other dumb things I’m up to.

Having a live audience definitely limited my writing. I became a lot more self-conscious. Since everyone sees my posts I figured that bothering anyone with my nonsense was not the right thing to do. People can think what they will about me, but being labelled because of what I write on the internet makes me nervous; people are so much more harsh to judge others when they are displayed on screen in front of them. Posting the cam girls was for my own humor, but even then I made sure not to post any of them naked because I felt that it might have upset someone. Mormons don’t even drink coffee, you know? And Catholics hate gay people– you never know who you might offend.

A positive experience of Twitter was the time I got to waste on it. Bored? No problem, I have one more social media site to sit on for ten minutes to scroll down. Honestly I dislike a lot of the people on my Facebook but I keep it because the ridiculousness entertains me. I’m terrible, aren’t I. All the people I love don’t have Facebook; a lot of them have Instagrams, but not Twitter accounts. I feel as if Twitter is meant for you to follow famous people so you may catch up with their work, or try to meet them at their favorite doughnut shop. I liked following the models. They’re attractive and really interesting people. I also got to follow some music groups I love, and I really liked that as well. I found out about new songs the day they came out because I was scrolling and not because I had to go remember to go check up on it with Google.

There wasn’t anything I considered super negative. It was just annoying to have another media app on my phone, and when my phone broke, I was actually stressed about posting on it. When my phone breaks the only thing I’m usually worried about is my freedom because without a phone I can’t leave the house as often. I’m a free spirit; I wanna run around and do fun things and not be cooped up like the bird in the logo that will never be set free.

I probably won’t delete my Twitter right away, it’ll probably stay on my phone longer than Facebook will. I want both gone though. They would have disappeared by now if Twitter didn’t update me on my music and Facebook wouldn’t connect me to my family. So both are useful in such an irritating way.

In conclusion, Twitter wasn’t so bad and I got things out of it other than a grade. It was nice to be publicly complimented by my instructor; it even made my day. I’m trying not to be negative about it although I dislike social media and try to distract myself from them because I think they are attention eaters. I want most of my attention on the world surrounding me, not the world inside my phone. Technology is so amazing yet when it comes to cellphones, I feel as if it is being abused. Not abused per say, but taken to a level of unnecessary and distraction from what’s really important.

tap tap tap

How long can you stay away from your phone?
Probably no longer than a week.
Everyone I know has a cellphone, and it is always close by.
When you go over to a friends house what do you do?
I doubt you don’t spend an hour together sitting on your phones.
Even when I go to the pool I see people texting their littles lives away.
Without my phone, however, I probably wouldn’t have as much freedom.
Although I’m eighteen my dad is very protective with me.
If I didn’t have my iPhone, I wouldn’t be able to contact my father, and thus wouldn’t be able to go out all of the time. (mainly just being sneaky sneaky)
He worries too much.
I’m appreciative of my cellular device but I truly wish our society didn’t revolve so much around them.
When my phone breaks I worry about the cost rather than not having a cell phone.
The other day I didn’t have a working phone for almost a week and it was kind of nice.
I texted on my iPad but that’s it.
No phone calls.
No social networking when I’m bored.
Disconnected.
And it was nice.
But at the same time, after that week, it was so nice to have my phone back.
But I was still texting without it.
And I had the internet at my palms when I got home once again.
This is a technology based society and things are changing faster than we can comprehend it.

“The last thing these companies want is to encourage leisurely reading or slow, concentrated thought. It’s in their economic interest to drive us to distraction.” (Carr 4)
We love the media.
Yet we hate it.
It feeds us and tells us about the news they find to be important, and anything and everything we want to know about the Kardashians.
They tell us what is important.
They don’t tell us everything, why would they?
Or is this paranoia?
Should we be paranoid?
They want us to buy their ideas because we are the consumers.
We will come back and we will want more.
It is in their economic interest that we believe the things we hear so that we may trust them.
Leaving certain information out isn’t considered lying.
Or maybe they’re not.
We know that global warming exists.
But is the awareness of global warming as alarming as awareness of cancer?
Which one can bring more money?
Why?
Cancer kills our loved ones.
Global Warming leads us to extinction.
It’s not too late to cure cancer.
Is it too late to stop global warming?
The more questionable threats are harder to comprehend, and it’s as if they are less of a threat, because we feel helpless.
Why would the media want to stress their consumers?
They don’t.
They just want our attention and our money.
Google would love to have our minds to change– become skimmers and want information right when we ask for it.
Searching on the web would be crazy without Google.
Without the internet, getting information would be so much harder. (Obviously)
I have never lived in a world without a computer.

I have no idea if what Carr was saying is true.
I love reading but I don’t because I’m always doing something else.
My sister was reading ‘A Catcher In The Rye’ to me the other day.
She started from the middle of the book and read, out loud, at least 100 pages.
It was so much fun and we sat there together laughing and discussing all of the words that the insane narrator was expressing.
If what Carr was saying is so true, how could we have read for so long without doing anything else?
Maybe he reads boring books and that’s his problem.
Maybe he should read out loud more often.
Or did I miss his whole point here?

sadfjhkl;

936full-sabrina-nellie-juarez So this babe makes 200k a year at the age of 21. How? By sexualizing herself.
It’s very clear, from her boob job to the stockings she’s wearing, what she’s trying to do. And it’s hella working.
Her name is Sabrina and she’s a webcam model. Although I don’t personally watch her to jerk off, I find her absolutely flawless. She takes her god-gfited good looks and sets herself in front of a camera and strips to gain tokens–which convert to money.
I’m not religious and I don’t judge sex workers anyways so I don’t see anything wrong with how she’s living; even though a lot of people do.
Dressing up in lingerie and perfecting her makeup isn’t all that easy because it takes money to make money. She is the perfect example of how good looks can actually get you through life pretty easily.
If the whole world was our society’s definition of beautiful, how would the world change? Girls like her wouldn’t be looked at as anything different.
You can walk into an interview in a dress and be saw as more elegant, and then walk into another in sweats and be viewed as lazy. You can walk into one being skinny and be seen as healthy verses being fat and looked down upon for being unhealthy. (Even though I’ve known chubbier people that were way healthier than the thinner ones.)
You’re always judged for your appearance before you can even strut your personality.
Why does racism exist? The only difference is the color of your skin than another person’s. It’s all appearance.
Sabrina gets her money through men thinking she’s beautiful; and I’m sure many of you think she is too. Our society revolves around our looks and a lot of the time it sucks.
But not for her.

INTELLIGENCE

My little sister gets straight A’s.
She’s a whole three years younger than me and, embarrassingly enough, is always willing to help me on my college math that I struggle with.
However, when you tell her to fetch your wallet, she searches high and low in every place that doesn’t make much sense whether that be behind the toaster or under the TV.
My best friend Michael is one of the most intelligent boys I’ve ever met.
He doesn’t do his homework but aces all of his tests with perfect scores.
His brother is even more so than him.
Talking to that kid is like swallowing a few tabs of acid and taking a peep into the back corners of your mind that are too dimly lit to see otherwise and analyzing the molecules of the content.
Michael mocks his brother for not having any common sense and says that he’s not smart.
He laughs when I tell him that I wish I was smart, because he says that I am very smart, just maybe not as intelligent as others.
He helps me make sense of words– seeing that there is probably a difference in the similar definitions like he insists.
However, my insecurity still exists.

Don’t feel bad for me.
I don’t feel bad for me.
Don’t pity others but try to understand them.
I’m obviously not dumb; how can a philosopher ever be such a word as ‘stupid?’
But the world has put such an emphasis on school and I was never very elite in it.
It’s difficult to school.
Stressful.
“The American dream is a dream of “getting ahead,” painted in strokes of gold wherever we look.” (Zinsser 1) and it’s hard to flourish in front of others when you just don’t have it in you.
You see prodigies all the time on the news.
You feel as if it’s too late to start practicing basketball because that ten year old will always be a few steps ahead of you and you’re already a decade older.
Yes, this is indeed a negative thinking process.
Nonetheless if you’ve been in an orchestra before you know how first chair is looked at.
Even second chair barely matters, especially facing the concert master.
Without the rest of the orchestra the five first chair musicians could still play– they would play just a lot quieter.
But they wouldn’t fail to prosper.
I never gave up in school but I never tried my hardest probably because I knew I could never beat the best.
I was better at other things.

I think my biggest achievements I’ve ever accomplished have been in art.
Maybe that’s so because I love it.
Ceramics is the perfect anxiety reliever; it has brought me to new dimensions, literally from 2D to 3D, and has allowed me access to new mediums to express my talents.
This has nothing to do with intelligence really, but brings me to the point that some people are really awesome at Algebra and others at Drawing.
The system allows the mathematicians more opportunity.
But honestly I have never failed to beat the system and rise to the challenge.

Fuck the System.